I’ve been talking to cops and federal agents all week. Or waiting to talk to them, I should say. They keep locking me in windowless rooms and leaving me alone for hours at a time. This one lady comes by every once in a while and asks if I want a soda or anything. There’s no wifi. A guy will pop in and say “We’re still waiting for so and so” or “We just need to get someone in here to transcribe.” So I sit there alone eating chocolate from the vending machine  and I’m bouncing off the walls by the time they get their shit together and talk to me. Then after all that they’re dicks and they treat me like I’m lying.

I’m not.

she doesn’t have wifi or digital tv but it’s still good to be back in the modern world.

Wanted to show everyone the crap-tastic motel where I’ve slept the last few nights. 

that is all.

…who works at a dunkin donuts and lives with his parents. I know I said I have a girls-only policy about hitches but Tad’s 16 and his name is Tad. Besides, I think I weigh more than him. He picked me up on his way home after work. I told him I hadn’t eaten in over a day, so drove me to the closest McDonald’s and bought me a happy meal. I could tell he had a crush on me but he was petrified of me too. I never led him on or anything but I did let him buy me lunch cause I was really hungry. 

Duncan could be sick or injured and I’ve been sleeping on a comfy sofa, watching TV and sipping coffee drinks. I don’t deserve to be comfortable even one night while he’s still suffering. I wonder if they have him in a bunker or if he’s stuck in one of the trainer’s cabins, like Sophie was.

I took off again this morning. I couldn’t believe how sweet Carrie and Jared were to me. They might be the nicest people in the world. Like we’d split a box of mac n cheese three ways most nights, which really isn’t that much food. Usually they split it in half. And they’re already so skinny, I didn’t want to make things worse. They’d never ask me to leave, though. The whole thing just made me feel bad. 

…it’s just me and Duncan, lying in the woods early in the morning. And there are little bugs crawling on us but we don’t care. We’re holding hands and we’re totally stupidly in love. And we’re looking up through the trees and it’s so peaceful. But then everything starts to shake, first the leaves in the trees, and then everything. It feels like how I’d guess an earthquake feels. And suddenly the ground feels really damp and cold and I want to get up and run away but I’m stuck, like a magnet, to the forest floor. And I look next to me to see if Duncan can help but he’s gone.

I need a job, I need to make some money, I need to stay alive. But I can’t ask for help or contact anybody who knows me, cause they’ll tell the cops. Then the feds will raid the compound and something terrible might happen to Duncan. I couldn’t live with myself if I caused anything bad to happen to him. 

With a couple short hitches and a lot of walking I made it as far as Sisters, which was north of where I’d been. I slept in a park one night and a sleazy hotel a couple nights. But I got a really bad vibe from that place – it felt like the sort of place you go to get murdered, so I took off again.

This girl named Carrie picked me up and gave me a ride all the way to her work. Turns out she’s a barrista at one of those slutty coffee places. They have these drive up coffee stands in Oregon. Basically the size of a tool shed, but enough supplies and ingredients to make every kind of coffee drink known to man. The girls who work there usually wear tight t-shirts and miniskirts or whatever. 

So Carrie said I could hang out in the shack with her and keep her company if I wanted. You guys she is the nicest person I’ve ever met. She made me like three blended coffee drinks and then brought me home to stay with her and her boyfriend Jared. I’ve been staying with them in their trailer. They act like they live in a huge mansion. They’re so proud of their home and happy to have guests stay over. It’s really sweet. I’m at an internet café now. It’s over the laundry-mat where they wash their clothes.